Parenting Myths Mothers Share

You bring home this precious little bundle the very first day after just having given birth. You’re tired, your body aches and you have no idea what to expect. You’ve possibly babysat kids before, maybe you have younger siblings you helped care for, but nothing prepares you for having your own children.

Unfortunately though, you likely already have expectations. Other moms have filled your head with all kinds of scary things, telling you how hard it is to be a new mom and how much care babies need. If only other moms could be supportive, positive and helpful, maybe we could enter this new stage of our lives with hope rather than dread.

So many awful parenting myths are spread from generation to generation, likely with the intention of helping and preparing the new mom for what’s to come. However it all seems to do just the opposite and sets the stage for resentment and negativity. You come to think of parenting in terms of ways happening to you instead of enjoying the blessing of the little body in your arms.

I would like to dispel some of those destructive myths right here and now and give you and hope for the future along with a different perspective. Every child is different, and every parent is different, so how can anyone assume that everyone’s experience will be the same? It never is, and one good reason for that is that you get to create your own experience everyday in every interaction with your child. And no one, no matter what anyone says, knows your child and your relationship like you do.

You have a brand new little being in your life that doesn’t know how the world works. It may take a little bit for you two to get to know one another and for you and your baby to develop a routine together. The same thing had to happen when you and your significant other moved in together. You may have had to agree on a bedtime, who slept where and one of you may have had to get used to some snoring. It’s no different with your infant.

But as soon as things start settling in, especially if you have a little one that enjoys sleeping, you’ll all get used to a new sleeping schedule. It will be new and different, and no one expects you to adjust right away, but you’ll learn how to make it work. You may just need to develop some new habits to get the sleep you need.

As with everything else you will have to adjust to, if you are breastfeeding, this is just one more thing that will become a new normal for you. Anytime you do something new, there are growing pains. If you start a new sport, new muscles will have to adjust to being used. If you start a new job, likely your body will have some physical adjustments to make.

I think you’ll be surprised how quickly feeding your baby becomes second nature to you and you won’t even notice it anymore. If you’re bottle-feeding, it will possibly be different parts of your body that will need to adjust, but you do. Taking care of the various parts of your new baby’s routine will just become normal.

It really bothers me when people seem to think that every child should develop at the exact same rate and have all of the same mannerisms. Technically speaking, not even adults sleep all the way through the night. Everyone’s body has a thirty minute sleep cycle, at which point you stir and most likely just roll over and go back to sleep without any recollection of having done so.

Babies, toddlers, children, teens and even adults wake up many times throughout the night. Its more about learning how to just go back to sleep. And this is a skill that develops over time. But this isn’t about sleep. Its about expectations. Don’t let anyone get you worried or anxious that you are doing something wrong or that something is wrong with your baby, at any stage. Let them reach milestones in their own time. We all get to the same place eventually.

You know, life is definitely going to be different from here on out. You will always be a mommy now. However, there is no reason that you can’t enjoy your life and do things that make you happy. There are plenty of women who go back to work right away because they want to, or that work from home doing something they enjoy (I have a 3 year old and a 5 month old), and there are always babysitters, Sunday school, Awanas, MOPS and others wonderful kid’s programs to give you a break and some time to just be a woman again.

Even if you are a stay at home mom, you can be creative and arrange someone to watch your kids every once and a while, or you can enjoy some date nights or Mother’s Night Outs and leave the little ones at home. Better yet, take your kids with you to enjoy life. Show them what it means to travel, enjoy friendships and have fun.

Every mother I encounter offers this as a warning. “It’s going to be bad. They’ll get into everything.” Personally, when my first little one started walking I celebrated. He could then go to what he wanted. He could get his own toy, his own drink, whatever, without crying or freaking out.

Walking is the best! Elliot has always been ready for the next step, and so is my Sawyer. Being stuck in one place is the pits. And HAVING to carry the baby around and figure out how to do everything one handed isn’t that great either. Don’t get me wrong, baby snuggles are the best, but when you no longer have to carry them, or worry about them rolling into the cabinet or scooting under the table, it’s liberating.

Here’s another one. “Just wait, once they start it will never stop.” Some of my favorite memories are my little one singing the ABCs the first time, singing to himself, wanting to sing or pray with me at night, and most of all, the day he told me he loved me. Now he sings to his baby brother to calm him, and he always has something adorable to say.

Just like walking finally allows them the freedom to get what they want and go where they want, talking allows them to finally start expressing themselves. I think it’s liberating for both mom and baby because then you can finally hear what they need as well. His little voice just warms my heart.

When people become parents, I believe they have been conditioned for so long to believe that children are bad, manipulating and scary that they struggle to see the innocence and vulnerability of their little ones. Kids don’t come into the world ready to control you and make you miserable. If you believe that, spare everyone and don’t have them.

Consider waking up another country where they don’t speak your language and have different societal norms and traditions. Worse yet, you are totally dependent on others because you’ve been in some accident that prevents you from walking or feeding yourself. It would be scary and you’d have to depend on someone else entirely to teach you what you need to know. You’d learn eventually, but I bet you’d make a lot of mistakes. That’s where your child is in this stage.

Now you’re more independent but you’re still learning the culture, what’s right and wrong and what’s expected of you. You want more independence. You’re tired of relying on others, but you still need them. If you try putting yourself into you child’s shoes, the world looks a lot different and you can be more compassionate.

Your kids only know what you teach them. Their mannerisms, good and bad habits, speech, beliefs, coping mechanisms, that’s all you. And if its not, it should be. They rely completely on you to know how the world works and how to live in it. If they think you don’t like them or believe they’re bad or manipulative, they will live up to that.

Do your kids a favor and refuse to listen to all the negativity. Give them the benefit of the doubt, try to be understanding, support them, admit your mistakes (especially when you see a behavior you don’t like in them), and love them. No matter what it looks like, kids always want to please their parents. If they can’t figure out how to, they’ll spend the rest of their lives fighting to please others.

The little beings in your home under your care need you and love you. They are not out to get you. At the very least, try to treat them the way you would want to be treated if you were that completely dependent person in a foreign country.